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untitled - palos verdes

 My mom broke bad news to me.. but I think I was in shock so I didn't really register it as that bad. We can still live happily but I need to keep my eyes facing forwards and not to doubt myself! I know I am a very strong person — and i have the capacity for so much more compassion and love than I am letting on now. Life is full of unexpected moments, of unexpected years, of unexpected tragedies, and unexpected lessons. I still think that everything happens for a reason. If this gives you a chance to reflect on yourself, so be it — you need to be there for your mom instead of shying away from her, and you need to be there for your friends more often so they know you care about them. You need to build your relationships with others instead of insulating yourself, and you should see life through its small moments. Spend time with people who love you and give them your love back. Life is too short to get caught up in the midst of things. You should know to look beyond your troubles ...
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Image
"I have a terrible clarity of mind at times, when nature is so lovely these days, and then I’m no longer aware of myself and the painting comes to me as if in a dream." Vincent van Gogh, Butterflies and Poppies (1889)  
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stargazing pt 1

I often try to distract myself in order to not think of the negative things at all. Whether thats by being unproductive, or trying to be overly-productive, I am an expert at avoiding confrontation with the long-term thoughts that actually bother me. Clearly, I'm building an imaginary dam - one not being bombarded by a violent storm, but rather tides that tend to ebb and flow. maybe that's why I created this mindset of "distraction" as a solution. It isn't like I hate responsibilities, but rather, it's the idea of wasting time on tasks i don't even know will produce fruitful results. It's being overly focused on the future. But why should we think like this? why do choices equal opportunities for failure? Just demolish the dam, allow the things i'm worried about to come in and be acknowledged, and then let the water settle. your mind should be a still spring - clear, and reflecting yourself in the present. It's not good to compare yourself t...
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