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untitled - palos verdes

 My mom broke bad news to me.. but I think I was in shock so I didn't really register it as that bad. We can still live happily but I need to keep my eyes facing forwards and not to doubt myself! I know I am a very strong person — and i have the capacity for so much more compassion and love than I am letting on now. Life is full of unexpected moments, of unexpected years, of unexpected tragedies, and unexpected lessons. I still think that everything happens for a reason. If this gives you a chance to reflect on yourself, so be it — you need to be there for your mom instead of shying away from her, and you need to be there for your friends more often so they know you care about them. You need to build your relationships with others instead of insulating yourself, and you should see life through its small moments. Spend time with people who love you and give them your love back. Life is too short to get caught up in the midst of things. You should know to look beyond your troubles
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seneca

T hey lose the day in expectation of the night, and the night in fear of the dawn. - Seneca I think I had the wrong view about what it meant to live. I felt indignant, like my time was being robbed from me when I had to sit at home to study for the MCAT instead of going out on a sunny day, when I went out to have fun at night but still had a pit of anxiety reserved for the work I did not complete. Worse yet, I refuse to think about yesterday. I have roped off the past year thinking that venturing there would give me regret, for a life that remained unexamined until it already passed. These are the things that worry me the most. So let's go there right now, together. What was so bad about the previous year? One, I lost focus academically. My self-esteem dipped when I felt I could no longer learn things like I used to, and keep my attention reserved for the book I was reading. Recall became a heavy chore, and my mind felt like it was trying to sabotage itself in this tug-of-war. Two,
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humanities vs. stem

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The joke is, there are two kinds of people who work full-time at Starbucks: those without university degrees, and those with university degrees in Philosophy who just couldn't find a job. That is, if you study the Humanities in college, you will be condemned to a unprofitable job and an unfortunate life of poverty compared to your classmates. This sheds some light on a conundrum for new college students trying to pick a major—namely, whether they should study the Humanities (languages, literature, philosophy, history, etc.) or STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math). In a modern world dominated by technological progress, the choice is quite evident for the majority of enrollees. Consequently, STEM is encroaching on what was once the primacy of Humanities in the higher education curriculum. What was once the core component of "becoming educated" is now relegated to small departments with less research funding, in danger of disappearing from the mainstream foreve
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stargazing pt 1

I often try to distract myself in order to not think of the negative things at all. Whether thats by being unproductive, or trying to be overly-productive, I am an expert at avoiding confrontation with the long-term thoughts that actually bother me. Clearly, I'm building an imaginary dam - one not being bombarded by a violent storm, but rather tides that tend to ebb and flow. maybe that's why I created this mindset of "distraction" as a solution. It isn't like I hate responsibilities, but rather, it's the idea of wasting time on tasks i don't even know will produce fruitful results. It's being overly focused on the future. But why should we think like this? why do choices equal opportunities for failure? Just demolish the dam, allow the things i'm worried about to come in and be acknowledged, and then let the water settle. your mind should be a still spring - clear, and reflecting yourself in the present. It's not good to compare yourself t
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"I have a terrible clarity of mind at times, when nature is so lovely these days, and then I’m no longer aware of myself and the painting comes to me as if in a dream." Vincent van Gogh, Butterflies and Poppies (1889)  
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fishing

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Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains.  Henry David Thoreau, Walden
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